Waiting

After 3 years of praying, with adoption heavy on my heart, 2 weeks ago, my husband Eric says, "It's time".  I can't remember when 2 little words like that rocked my world as in that moment!  So, here we are on this road to adoption (heart is beating fast).  We had our first office visit to start the home study process this last Monday (4/30) and decided we will wait until we get home from vacation on June 3rd to take the next step;  Vacation will be a great time to relax and pray as we are just with our family!

This morning I was faced with my first "change up" in the adoption process.  People who have adopted have warned me about these "ugly" little things. "Ugly" is my word because if I'm honest, that's exactly how I see it; unfiltered, raw heart, emotions and all.  I hate waiting.  I have a negative thing about the word "wait". It seems to me like it's a nice way of saying "No".  I guess I still haven't learned that from my childhood years.  I am possibly one of the most impatient people in the world and God knows it.  Oh, and along with the lack of patience, I also have the gift of being able to see the glass as half empty and "shattered" as someone once explained.  So, this ugly little change up was making my heart beat faster this morning but not in the way I expressed earlier.  Pretty sure this time I was not excited but having a miniature nervous breakdown.  Taking deep breaths, I poured my coffee and sat down with Eden, my daughter, and Oswald Chambers (My Utmost For His Highest).  Today's devotional couldn't have been any smaller than being hit upside the head with a 2 by 4 at the very least!

The Patience To Wait For The Vision

“Though it tarries, wait for it...” Habakkuk 2:3

Patience is not the same as indifference; patience conveys the idea of someone who is tremendously strong and able to withstand all assaults.  Having the vision of God is the source of patience because it gives us God’s true and proper inspiration.  Moses endured, not because of his devotion to his principles of what was right, nor because of his sense of duty to God, but because he had a vision of God.”... he endured as seeing Him who is invisible” (Hebrews 11:27).  A person who has the vision of God is not devoted to a cause or to any particular issue-- he is devoted to God Himself.  You always know when the vision is of God because of the inspiration that comes with it.  Things come to you with greatness and add vitality to your life because everything is energized by God.  He may give you a time spiritually, with no word from Himself at all, just as His Son experienced during His time of temptation in the wilderness.  When God does that, simply endure, and the power to endure will be there because you see God.  “Thought it tarries, wait for it...” The proof that we have the vision is that we are reaching out for more than we have already grasped.  It is a bad thing to be satisfied spiritually.  The psalmist said, “What shall I render to the Lord...?  I will take up the cup of salvation...” (Psalm 116:12-13).  We are apt to look for satisfaction within ourselves and say, “Now I’ve got it! Now I am completely sanctified.  Now I can endure.”  Instantly we are on the road to ruin.  Our reach must exceed our grasp.  Paul said, “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on...” (Philippians 3:12).  If we have only what we have experienced, we have nothing.  But if we have the inspiration of the vision of God, we have more than we can experience.  Beware of the danger of spiritual relaxation.

Then, after visiting with Oswald, we went a head and decided to taste some Daily Bread and this is what it tasted like!

Our Daily Bread

“....Sometimes we’re tempted to tune out ‘divine interruptions’ of the Holy Spirit instead of listening to His promptings...Holy Spirit, help us hear Your inner promptings, soft and clear; And help us know Your still, small voice so we may make God’s will our choice.”

(Sigh....)

While I really don't want to spiritualize anything, I can't help but believe God knows what He is doing.  That doesn't mean I'm totally excited all the time, and still not feeling the greatest about this new little change-up in plans (although, notice I left out the word "ugly" this time?).  I have to believe this is for His glory, our best and the good of the world. 

Lord, help me endure as we wait.  Also, help me understand that to wait is being active.  It is not wasting time, yet prayerfully anticipating.  And while my heart longs to adopt Lord, more than that, I desire You.  So, please keep my eyes fixed on You.